Let Apple Entertain You – The Apple Keynote

Let Apple Entertain You – The Apple Keynote

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Avatar bGrant

This showed up in my feed and all I could think was – You poor buggers!

2 hours rehashing rumours published months ago, no prices other than Texture’s magazines price re-confirmed by the new owner, with Apple presenters and celebrities staring like deer into headlights, mouthing the teleprompter with all the pizzaz of an awards show. Only JJAbrahams spoke in any relatable way… for a series that put you to sleep before the theme song.

A 2 hour pitch meeting with all the teeth grinding waste of time that implies, and… NO CLIPS. Well, a “sizzle reel” with confused montages of untitled shows that made me grind my teeth even more, confirming that Apple doesn’t have a clue what viewers want. Less offensive than Netflix’s barrage of hard sell, maybe – but Apple couldn’t even spare us that by getting Netflix content into Apple TV app.

Tim’s most frightening keynote?
Even Jobs berated Noah Wylie about the praying hands greeting – “Don’t do that anymore”, but Tim keeps creeping us out with it.
This keynote was so Samsung-tonedeaf that after a while, even the white soled shoes started to feel a bit racist. They made the black man wear white souls and even Oprah, but she was already wearing the Colonel Sanders suit.

I’m new to BTN and you won my soul-deep sympathies shovelling through this. All while you’re going from being half in the EU to half out as well! It’s enough to make an Australian feel bad for the ‘whinging poms’. Love you guys. You took a bullet for all of us on this one. We owe you.

Thank you for feeling our pain brother. Ewen

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